as a thread bound fast to the sun / como un hilo atado fuerte al sol

site-specific installation opening sept 14, 2024 in oaxaca, mexico

Then the blind girl goes into the world. She does not think she can do, but she holds on to a thread that she has woven, one end of which is bound fast to the Sun. She never lets go of this thread and as a result she can do—she is able to help her brothers and other people in the world simply because she does not trust in herself to find the way but looks to the thread to guide her.” -Maurice Nicoll*

In this next installation in a secret garden in Oaxaca, I continue an ongoing series of site-specific work that began in 2022. Following my recent light and sound installations in Thessaloniki, Sicily, and Sofia, I will arrive in Oaxaca to work with a combination of my own materials and in collaboration with local textile artist Omar Chasan. When I show up at foreign destinations to construct and present work, I do it as an invited guest, showing respect to the local environment in a spirit of exchange, as I aim to learn about the place and its own unique presence from those who live and work there. Omar is a fourth generation textile maker, using traditional weaving and natural dyeing techniques to create his own contemporary designs that have a life of their own while maintaining a link to their distinct heritage.

The launching point of this Oaxaca installation, ‘as a thread bound fast to the sun’, is the inspiring communal work ‘legarsi alla montagna’ (1981) by renowned Sardinian artist Maria Lai, whom I consider one of my many spiritual mothers. As fate would have it, Lai’s ritual act of tying together the houses in her native village of Ulassai with a denim ribbon and fastening them all to the hovering mountain overlooking the town occurred on September 8, one day apart from this event in Oaxaca.

Lai informed us that her piece legarsi alla montagna was itself continuing a conversation, a response to a real event that occurred in Ulassai in 1861 and became a local legend called The Cave of the Ancients. A mountain ridge broke away and fell onto a house in the highest part of the town. Two little girls died, while a third managed to save herself with a blue ribbon in her hand. The townspeople saw in this event a divine miracle and preserved the memory of it, passing down from generation to generation a version that was partly true and partly legend.

Anton Chekhov wrote that history is one long, unbroken chain and that when we touch one end of that chain the other end quivers. In a modern society that has desacralized itself, does not honor ancestors, and ignores or lacks wisdom of elders, we are coming to understand that this way of life can only lead to ill. We are not a disconnected island of individuals, even though our world often tells us to feel that way.

This is the ongoing conversation that must occur in art, in friendship, in family, and in community if we are going to carry forward our promise and learn how to be present with one another. By tying together these disparate textiles, fabrics, and other materials, both local and foreign, we will create an immersive space by binding this garden to its surrounding environment and those present within it. The installation combines performance, improvisation, collaboration, and community with visual art, sound, and the practice of discernment. It is a humble gesture to continue the conversation, to uphold ritual in our lives, reminding us to trust our intuitions about the primacy of physical presence… with each other, and not against each other. It is one small thread bound fast to the sun.

*the story in this opening quote was first discovered in the writing of Fr. Joseph Azize and led me to the original source: Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky, Volume Three by Maurice Nicoll (Shambhala Press, 1984), a book which I find on my mother’s night stand as she lays ill…her way of asking me to continue the conversation.


Jerzy Grotowski’s “Holy Actor”: Transcendence Through Induction

The holy actor’s technique is INDUCTIVE (removal of artifice, decoration, added layers of ‘tricks’) because its only true aim is SELF-PENETRATION. The profane actor’s technique (what we have been conditioned to think of as an actor’s arsenal) is DEDUCTIVE, concerned like the broader society with accumulation of wealth, with what Grotowski pejoratively dubs the way of the ‘courtesan’. Never one to to mince his words, Grotowski describes the craft of the deductive actor as socially supported prostitution, that there is little difference between what used to be called a courtesan and an actor who provides entertainment, confirmation of our conscience and righteousness, or who holds the affected tone of an ‘epic’ performance.

The holy actor is diametrically opposed to every value of the deductive technique. Instead of accumulating wealth, the virtue is poverty, as in ‘Blessed are the poor…’ This is the the true meaning of Grotowski’s Poor Theater for which is he is best known. In the holy actor’s sacred mission of self-penetration, nothing less is required than the revealing and sacrifice of the innermost part, that part which is most private and most painful to confront and own. The only route to access this raw self, devoid of artifice or pride or a veil is through HUMILITY. Not the false humility of the fake mystic (just a covert courtesan in Grotowski’s eyes), but the true gut-wrenching, heart-searing humility of one who has the courage, honesty, and will to confront not only the shadow inside, but the defenseless child, the heartbroken adult, the frightened neurotic, the lustful hedonist, all of it, over and over.

Grotowski does not mean that the holy actor should make a spectacle of his smallness by vomiting out his ‘truth’ onto the stage, much as we see in today’s zeitgeist of performative identity activism that often cloaks good ole-fashioned narcissism in a nice baggy sweater.* What Grotowski proposes is the formation of a highly personal, sensitive, and rigorously trained language. This is a holistic language of form, expressed through the body with sound and movement. A language with a vocabulary that is always contracting and expanding, being refined, becoming more true to oneself. The training of a holy actor is analogous to the path of becoming a tonsured monk. One must walk through the fire of her own soul, her own lies, her own masks, her defenses and projections, to arrive at the poetry of her own language through bodily expression. Holy actors are not piling up techniques like parlor tricks or a tool box. We could say that instead they are becoming vessels, drums of flesh and bone who can percuss themselves into a trance in order to express immediacy, to express impulses which waver on the borderline of dream and reality. The trance for Growtowski is not a path to dissociation or forgetting but a path to access of the subconscious, of a pure embodiment that even includes the spectator by incarnating his own complexes and contradictions in that of the holy actor, who represents us all. A trance of this sort is something the audience member is incapable of achieving because he has not extensively trained, self-penetrated, and self-sacrificed like the holy actor. The spectator gets it easy; he gets to come and participate in this ritual of poor theater and then leave and go back to his life, hopefully somewhat transformed and questioning himself, but maybe not. The actor stays there, working, training, investigating; there are no breaks- only an unrelenting encounter with truth and reality. The holy actor takes to heart the words of Gurdjieff, “Life is only real then, when ‘I Am’”.

It is only this sort of purified holy actor, following this curve of induction, penetrating herself, sacrificing her worldly desires, who can properly occupy the poor theater of Grotowski’s vision. This is the theater of virtuous poverty, a poverty that cleanses and subtracts. The sets have been skinned to the bone; there is no risen stage or amplification. The audience is faced with brutal, unexpurgated truth in the hearts and souls of the actors. The revealing and sacrifice of the holy actor’s inner core becomes a mirror for the spectator who is ready to pay attention and see the truth about his own poverty of spirit by experiencing the play. In the many definitions of theater discussed by Grotowski, he boils off all the liquid into a distillation of what he views as theater’s essence: actor and spectator, cast and audience. That’s it. The most stripped down, self-penetrated view of what we have left when the decoration and shiny distractions are removed.

In reading Grotowski plead for his own holy theater, it strikes me that the entire point of this drive to create a theater so barren of falsehood is not to just ‘make work’ or ‘be creative’ or ‘follow the muse’. Rather, it is the drive of life and death itself; it is everything; it is about you; it is about me; it is about who we are, why we are here, and what shall we do. This holy actor is an ideal and rarely attainable in its pure form, but that’s okay according to Grotowski. None of us are saints and maybe no actor is ever truly holy, but even so “we can… move consciously and systematically in that direction, thus achieving practical results.” Like all paths of chastity, renunciation, and obedience in today’s world, very, very few actors will have the motivation, desire, or understanding necessary to embark on this path. It was true in Grotowski’s time and is probably much more true in our time today. On the other hand, I sense around me many people who are seeing through the veneer of what the other way of living gets you in this world and what it turns you into in this world, and maybe they are starting to say NO. Saying no to what is below allows one to say YES to what is above. Of course, Grotowski was an adamant unbeliever** and always pointed out that his talk of holiness was only a metaphor. I have a feeling that people like he and Tarkovsky, and maybe Lispector, all had a deep desire to be true believers, and in place of their paucity of belief was created a profound and faithful art, often much greater than that of those who claim to believe. There is still a ‘below’ and an ‘above’ no matter what one believes and we all know it, even if we have tried to talk ourselves out of it. I count Grotowski as a voice crying out in the wilderness, a prophet of theater and the arts who sensed what was coming and knew there was only one answer- a difficult and unlikely answer, but a true one.

“The poor theater does not offer the actor the possibility of overnight success. It defies the bourgeois concept of a standard of living. It proposes the substitution of material wealth by moral wealth as the principal aim in life. Yes who does not cherish a secret wish to rise to sudden affluence? This too may cause opposition and negative reactions, even if these are not clearly formulated. Work in such an ensemble can never be stable. It is nothing but a huge challenge and, furthermore, it awakens such strong reactions of aversion that these often threaten the theater’s very existence. Who does not search for stability and security in one form or another? Who does not hope to live at least as well tomorrow as he does today? Even if one consciously accepts such a status, one unconsciously looks around for that unattainable refuge which reconciles fire with water and ‘holiness’ with the life of the ‘courtesan’.

However, the attraction of such a paradoxical situation is sufficiently strong to eliminate all the intrigues, slander and quarrels over roles which form part of everyday life in other theaters. But people will be people, and periods of depression and suppressed grudges cannot be avoided.

It is nevertheless worth mentioning that the satisfaction which such work gives is great. The actor who, in this special process of discipline and self-sacrifice, self-penetration and mounding, is not afraid to go beyond all normally acceptable limits, attains a kind of inner harmony and peace of mind. He literally becomes much sounder in mind and body, and his way of life is more normal than that of an actor in the rich theater.”***

*This does not mean that all performances involving the theme of identity are empty or narcissistic, some are very necessary, powerful, and true. But we should all admit that there is more chaff than wheat by now.

**I say unbeliever instead of non-believer. Unbeliever for me signifies ‘unable to believe’, while non-believer signifies ‘unwilling or opposed to believing’.

**Jerzy Grotowski quoted in ‘The Theater’s New Testament’ chapter of Towards a Poor Theatre.


5 Notes on Playing Sean Francis Conway’s ‘Forever Calling to the Shore’

  1. The sea is always moving, always settling and unsettling, always changing. It does not obey a metronome but is stochastic, unpredictable, and chaotic; yet it is always still the sea, in full control of itself. The tempo of this piece must be played honestly shifting, naturally drifting, like sets of waves rolling into the shore over a long day. This is not a song.

  2. One can study each wave from the moment it breaks out of stillness until it forms itself and rolls into the shore. But one can also step back and take in the waves as sets, letting their sequence blur into the background and just becoming ‘sea’. This is a circular set of inevitable chords that run with the current. They appear long enough to get ourselves inside of them and hear each note, or they also can blur into each other and just become ‘chords’.

3. Calling out to the shore means you are somewhere in the middle of the sea. Forever calling out to the shore is an infinite prayer. Play this piece like a prayer, like bells in a tower, like a foghorn.

4. When we leave it, the sea keeps moving and falling in upon itself. I imagine this piece is always playing on when I’m not there and each time I sit to play it, I am simply rejoining what is already happening in the background and making it present.

5. It’s not just about the journey, it’s about the destination. We are going somewhere and not forever practicing. We are not calling to the shore in vain. There is another shore and we all can reach it. No matter how hopeless our despair, The Perceiver of the World’s Sounds always hears our call.

Performed at Space 4 Art San Diego, CA Fri Sept 16, 2022 9pm

 SCORE FOR A LIGHT CHORD: LIGHT INSTALLATION MAY 6-JULY 3, 2022 AT MORTIS STUDIO

“History is one long unbroken chain, when you touch one end the other quivers.”- Anton Chekhov
"..if we get a singular transcendental path of light, that could lead to such great dimensions of consciousness..” - Alice Coltrane

My recent work is an exploration of the relationship and contrast between two waves that travel through air at their own speeds and with their own properties: sound and light. I see them as cousins but not siblings. Light has mass, sound does not. Light is visible, sound is not. Light itself cannot be felt, sound vibrates us. But both occupy space and time, both occur naturally in the universe, both can be sensed by most animals (and plants). We’ve been playing with sound and light as far back as we can remember. Their emanations occupy our places of worship, our places of festivity, our bedrooms, our dreams (do you hear sound in your dreams?). Just as sound can be ‘bent’ by reflecting off the walls and floors or seem to have its frequency altered by traveling past us, this installation explores how a single path of light can be bent into a column of multiple unfolding refractions, forming a light chord.

Using less to achieve more, making ‘something out of nothing’, and working with specific locations to create little spaces of awe that challenge our perception, are all values I try to bring into my installations. With hanging sheets of clear plexiglass and single beam lights, I explore optical prism phenomena* as a way to transmute a musical chord into colored light. Instead of relying on effects or digital projections, only the natural properties of light beams refracting off an angled prismatic surface take shape as two columns of undulating light cathedrals in the gallery display window. The conventional process of the musical score is inverted: the sound of a musical chord becomes the score for a chord of light. In my own intuitive chromesthesia**, the primary colors are used to imply the tones in the octave- the darker tones in the bass register, the lighter tones in the treble. Viewers are able to scan a code on the gallery window to listen to the chord, but viewing it silently is fine too. The movement of air, people walking close by, and the hum of the building gently move the hanging plexiglass sheets, causing an outsized response in the light columns on the wall, making them sway and dance in unpredictable ways. I like to think of this as a live cinema in real time. This installation continues my site-specific work with sound, light, and color to create an immersive experience of altered perception: a little shrine of light.

Listen to the musical chord that provides the ‘score’ for the light chord here: Score for a Light Chord

Special thanks to Mortis Studio, Swish Projects, Spenser Little, and Mike Wallace.

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*https://www.edmundoptics.in/knowledge-center/application-notes/optics/introduction-to-optical-prisms/

**https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chromesthesia

 STAINED GLASS ENTERS THE STREAM: SOUND INSTALLATION AND PERFORMANCE - JAN 7-16, 2022 AT SWISH PROJECTS GALLERY

One thing I do know for certain-- in later life, I shall be a charming, utterly spherical zero.” - Robert Walser (from Jakob Von Gunten)

…if people didn't feel swept away to Heaven, I was failing. And I really feel that is an absolutely essential element.” - La Monte Young

This performance and installation is based on my new piece ‘At 639 Hz Stained Glass Enters the Stream’ that was debuted at the Jacumba Hot Springs Bath House in November 2021. The piece is composed in a circle, meaning it has no beginning or end, akin to Indian raga and other Asian and African folk musics. It contains a melodic structure with a fundamental or ‘tonic’ frequency (what we call E flat in western classical music) used to build a chord as drone with musical motifs, which have “the ability to ‘colour the mind’ and affect the emotions, moods, and perceptions of the audience”. This aligns with my general view of the musician/composer/sound artist as one who is responsible for manipulating frequencies and vibrating air molecules in time and space to be heard (and felt) by listeners.

Because the music was inspired by the presence of my body at special spaces during a specified time, this music only comes to life by the presence of bodies to complete its circle through the listener, the one present. It contains circular movement, tangible, visible, kinetic and unpredictable. This is the analog tape that loops between two machines and has been imprinted with a specially tuned chord of sine waves with that fundamental E flat as the anchor, even though it’s only implied. I, as the player, fill in the fundamental in real time on the organ to complete that chord and bring it to fruition, much like an empty temple is only completed by the visit of worshippers. The tape is suspended by tension across the platform, hanging in the air, wobbling as it rotates through the play heads, unfolding with each circumvolution. The longer it plays, the more nuanced, the more subtle, the more inside of the chord the listener can hear. The idiosyncracy of the tape, the amplifier, the room and its dimensions, all affect how it reaches our ears. If the tape is the empty temple, I am the worshipper at the organ, delivering my prayer as honestly as I can in order to complete that chord by playing with it, getting inside of it, dancing around it. I alternate between playing complementary chords to build shifting drones that enter and exit like light through the glass, and improvised melodic motifs that often surprise me as much as anyone: I hear the music of my great grandparents, of my childhood piano teacher, of the Mediterranean Steppe, of the Eastern Orthodox tradition, the postwar composers, the 20th century minimalists, the spiritual jazz of America, somehow it’s all in there. Each time, a bit different but only if you’re listening closely. From the outside it sounds largely the same.

The inspiration (inspirare~ to breathe in) for this piece came from my Oct 2021 travels through ancient holy sites, medieval and renaissance churches, catacombs and arcosolia, and mikvot (Jewish ritual baths hidden underground) in Sicily and other areas of southern Italy. Being present at these impactful architectural wonders, rich with history, ghosts, faiths, sacrifices, rituals, worship, hope, despair, and the weathering of time and the atmosphere created a sort of synesthesia- a deep tone ringing on and on, long after my visits were over. The tone was in the range of a very low E flat, and this drone haunted me when I returned home. Was I hallucinating? Going psychotic? Not at all, friends- I was just hearing what I saw, much as Alexander Scriabin saw what he heard. I’ve always been a visual person. Even though my two main forms of art are music and writing, I often only begin composing or writing in response to my mental cinema, either real or imagined. I don’t mean that I want to compose soundtracks to imaginary films- this is a superficial and not very interesting way to make music for me. Instead, it’s more like being in the presence of a beautiful woman and after she leaves still feeling her there, influencing much of what you feel long after she is gone, in other words, a muse. So I realized that these monuments were my muses- the stained glass must enter the stream in order to get to that other shore. Now that I had experienced the power of these sites, what was I going to do with it? Where does all of that feeling go? Pilgrimages to pagan temples and old churches will not deliver anyone the holy grail or solve anyone’s metaphysical problems, but neither will that beautiful woman; in fact, she often creates more problems than she solves, and so do churches and temples! A muse doesn’t give us any answers, only inspiration in the form of more questions, more mysteries, more circles that go around in space and time; a circumference that transcends the profane and the mundane even if only for a few moments. If that’s not a definition of art’s function or at least one of its ideals, I don’t know what is.

NOTES FOR INVOCATION AT THE BATHS: NOVEMBER 20, 2021 IN JACUMBA HOT SPRINGS

“If you’re going to make music, stake your life on it - it’s worth it. Making music is an intensely human act.” - Kan Mikami

“Music is the healing force of the universe.” -Albert Ayler & Mary Parks

There is nothing new-age about the healing power of sound. In fact, it’s one of the oldest-age activities of humans. Before science provided evidence of the immense power of sound waves on the human brain and body, we intuitively knew this power because it affects us so deeply, in a realm beyond language. Sound is both a sword and a salve, it can wound or heal. Like most powerful forces in the universe, it all depends on how and why we use it. We feel sound in vibrations, and those vibrations are delivered at a certain frequency and wavelength. High frequency sounds have shorter wavelengths and so arrive to our ears and bodies in a rapid fire succession on fast, crashing waves. Low frequency sounds have longer wavelengths and so arrive more gradually but insistently, in a series of slow, deep waves. Like light, sounds travels through air at its own constant speed and exists in a spectrum of frequencies. These frequencies make up the ‘tuning’ of a musical instrument, a human voice, a wolf’s howl, a passive wind chime, or a fiery jet engine. Eastern religious and cultural traditions have been using sound in rituals for thousands of years, including bells, vocal chant, gongs, bamboo, turtle shells, conches, and other natural and manmade objects. Indigenous peoples of Europe and the Americas also used sound as a healing force in song, percussion, flutes, animal skin drums, horns, ceramic, wooden, and metal objects. Western religious traditions have employed music in ritual, from Gregorian chant to the shofar (ram’s horn) from immense pipe organs to the amplified voice of the muezzin vibrating through urban centers.

Musician-philosophers in the twentieth century started paying more attention to the phenomenon of sound in secular, daily life. From the influence of the zen tradition, people like John Cage and Pauline Oliveros, among many others, began practicing and talking about the act of listening. Soon the sound creators began not only making sounds but slowing down and intently listening to the world around them. After all, for a sound to be heard and felt, it must have a listener receiving it. The generation of sound is a creative act, the force of yang, the first hexagram of the I Ching. But it’s the act of listening, the receptive act, the force of yin, the second hexagram of the I Ching, that completes sound’s circle. Of course, the music maker is also a listener as the sound unfolds in real time. It’s a tricky business listening to ourselves. The art of music making entails the profound responsibility of crafting sounds that travel into the ears and bodies of other people and intimately affect their consciousness in ways we may never understand. Like many things we do in life, this can be done haphazardly and selfishly with no regard for the outcome- simply being a ‘maker’ and taking no responsibility for what you are putting into the world. But making music can also be done with sound awareness and positive intent, where the concept, intentions, and human emotions that are integral in helping the sound arrive into creation also become a part of its identity.

Sound waves can break up kidney stones, perform surgery, reveal images of a growing fetus without radiation, be harnessed as stealth terror weapons (as was done recently to diplomats in Cuba), shatter glass, move us to tears, rage, love, lust, joy, concentration, peace, and sleep. Sound is no joke, and though it can be tons of fun and very lighthearted it’s power should never be underestimated or unappreciated. Percussionist Milford Graves dedicated the last years of his life to independent research on how the heartbeat can be improved by listening to rhythms intended to influence the cadence of the beat. Graves also delivered the sound directly via acupuncture by vibrating the sound into the needle, making the human body his own turntable. He made himself an expert on heart rhythms by listening- to many different beating hearts. Medical researchers Sean Wu and Uktan Demirci at Stanford have documented their ability to alter the shape of cardiac cells by using sound.

Heart cells shaped into intricate patters by altering frequency and amplitude of sound waves. [source]

Dedicating oneself to the making of sound is a noble craft, like sculpting vases to hold flowers or ashes, like painting an image hung over a bed for decades, or like putting hands on a person in order to release tension and improve circulation. When we are young, the making of music is largely about ourselves, our egos, our emotions, our expression, our need for attention and admiration. But as we mature, this youthful urge to say ‘I’m here!’ is tempered by a consideration of the other, an awareness that what we put into the world is what we get out of it, and that all actions have an equal and opposite reaction. I’m not preaching for a self-righteous, goody-two-shoes church music mentality! Music has a majestic ability to contain darkness and eros and chaos in a way few other mediums can; these are a vital part of the human experience and often make for the most powerful music. We all know that the greatest healing can emerge from a catharsis of deep pain and suffering. If we pay more attention to the frequencies we generate with our sound, our music, our breath, our speech- we may notice something shift inside of ourselves, and that shift can’t help but be felt by the listener. Try listening to your own breath, really listen to it. Is it shallow or deep, fast or slow, loud or silent, coarse or subtle, fragmented or even, clumsy or graceful? We could wonder: if we don’t even know our own breath, how can we expect to know our voice, our speech, our music?

We are still barely scratching the surface of what there is to know about sound and it’s unfathomable powers. There are frequencies that lay far outside our spectrum of hearing, only audible by dogs or dolphins, or maybe even by no living being. They are akin to radioactive chemicals, of great possible force but to be handled with care. People have theories, but no one can really explain the mystery and depths of sound and music, how deeply they are instilled in our collective psyche and the many ways we are affected by the sounds that surround us everyday.

-Preston Swirnoff 11/20/21

CROSSING THE STEPPE - Liner Notes Essay from LP

“Cautious silence is the holy of holies of worldly wisdom.” -Baltasar Gracián

Throughout history the steppe has been a symbol of a great divide that must be crossed in order to realize a journey. Each geographical region on the globe has its own steppe with a hidden history that dots its trail. A stubborn lack of allegiance to any people, nation, or epoch places the steppes beyond the claim of any single religion or mythology, though surely appearing in all of them. The ‘Great Steppe’ that stretches from Sino-Russia to Austria-Hungary is an improbable corridor that stretches and blurs our archetypal concepts of East and West. It crosses from the vast lands of Manchuria-Mongolia westward through the Dzungarian Gate, rolling past the Siberian forest into the Great Ulay of Kazakh, passing the stern Ural mountains and the extinct Aral Sea (no longer a beautiful lake of a thousand islands, but swallowed into a harsh desert), trailing into the Pontic-Caspian region which tiptoes past the mysteries of the Caucasus and the cautious silence of the Black Sea before it finally unfurls its tail (or is this the mouth?) and lands in Pannonia, providing the soft whispering grass that has played pillow for an uncountable number of Austro-Hungarian-Slavic heads. The Great Steppe has many cousins in the prairies of North America, the deserts of Africa and India, the subtropics of Asia, and the slopes and flats of the Mediterranean. It has invisible ancestors like the mammoth steppe, which spanned most of the earth from Spain to China to Canada before suddenly disappearing 12,000 years ago and burying its secrets in the tectonic plates.

Steppes are not direct routes, but are interrupted at irregular intervals by mountain ranges, bodies of water, and rough untrodden terrain. So, although the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, navigating the steppe is a circuitous route full of zigzagging, climbing, descending, backtracking, and moving sideways. Not much is known about the anonymous brave nomads who trekked in handmade boots and rode on horseback through thick and thin to make it across. We can only imagine the peril and hardship that awaited them, the war and famine and fickle moods of nature, along with the solitude and unspeakable beauty that must have crested across the horizon. Their stories remain outside of written history and do not figure in the great tales of victors and vanquished. These nomads were silent, letting each’s journey run its course and then fade into amnesia. As for the rest of us, we eventually surrendered to the land and decided it was only possible to cross by air. There are no trains, no buses, no superhighways that were ever able to be paved. Perhaps more of us will reach outer space by rocketing out of the atmosphere or submerge to the seafloor in a pressurized cabin than will ever walk across the great steppes.

Just as the steppe forms the great obstacle course of geography, connecting regions that are at a far remove, the pilgrimage is the inevitable test of fortitude and faith that waits in front of us, if only we can collect the resources and will necessary to embark. No amount of talk or conceit can get one across the steppe. The pilgrimage requires action. Nature measures each of us according to our worth by its own capricious lottery. This is a universal fact of life: we all face steppes to cross. The birds do it every winter, soaring above the Saiga antelopes and Corsac foxes who wander the trails below. Even the plants do it in their own sneaky way, creeping their roots and rhizomes beneath our feet but letting the wind do most of the work for them. For our own pilgrimages, many of us prefer to remain blind and live with feet sunk in the mud. Others of us attempt and fail, owing our defeat to a lack of preparedness and resilience, or just plain bad luck. And a few of us make the journey with the unlikely combination of courage, skill, and good fortune, able to arrive on the other side.

-Preston Swirnoff (2020)

In memory of Charles and Kathleen Bennett, amants éternels.